adoption · awkward · Keith · Little Man · questions · transracial adoption

The First Time

So yesterday there’s a knock on our front door. I had just gotten Little Man to fall asleep on my lap (he’s cutting two teeth and is very clingy and whiny and refuses to sleep). Keith had just walked in the back door, home from work.

I yell (because the dogs barking woke up the baby), “There’s someone at the front door.” I open the door, and there is a woman there. She is one of those door-to-door salespeople (we really need a “no soliciting” sign!).

So I open the door and there’s this nice Black lady standing on my porch. She takes one look at Little Man and goes gaga over him. Then Keith walks up. She stops dead in her tracks.

She looks at me.

She looks at the baby.

She looks at Keith.

She looks at the baby.

“Is that your baby?” she asks.

“Yep.” Keith and I reply at the same time.

“Can I take him?” she asks.

“No.” We both say, again at the same time.

She then tried to sell me some kind of cleaner…but I politely said no thank you and sent her on her way.

Can she HAVE him??????????????????????????????????????????????

Immediately, I start thinking, it’s because I’m White. She thinks I can’t do this because I’m White.

But in reality…he’s so cute…who wouldn’t want him? Right?

But that’s the first time someone has outloud and boldly questioned me and Keith about Little Man. Is he ours?

We spent all night cuddling him and telling him how we are a forever family. Because what can he understand at almost seven months? I don’t know, but I didn’t want him going to bed thinking he didn’t belong with us.

3 thoughts on “The First Time

  1. Jeepers creepers. I can't even imagine. But, you know, if she'd spent even 10 minutes with you, she'd KNOW you were a family—a great family made up of people who are all perfect for each other. No worries.

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  2. I've had a similar experience today. In SA everywhere we stop, there are car guards from all different races. Minimum wage, often not so clean and lots of them ex-cons. I stopped at the post office this morning. And this african car guard (looked Tswana to me) wanted to take/hold my little one. I've only had her for 9 days and don't mind friends and family holding her, but draw the line at strangers saying “give her here, I like babies”. I just refused and told him we're in a hurry. When we returned I had to go through the same thing again with him. It just felt weird, and my 2 nephews with me agreed.

    My cleaning lady told me before I explained to her exactly what adoption is about and how it works, that she used to encounter a white lady in our suburbs with 2 black kids and always asked her where she stole the kids from. She feels very bad about it now. I also had to tell her to please not use the phrase that I'm going to buy a child.

    The point I'm trying to make is that it is mostly cultural ignorance. In some of the black cultures of SA, babies are raised by everyone, the neighbours, grandmothers, aunties etc. My maid understands it now that my little one is my daughter, but after a lot af talks.

    By the way, your little man is really so gorgeous!

    All the best, Corlia

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  3. Pardon me but WTF??? I can't believe she asked if she could take him. What kind of creepy person would say something like that? The only time we ever had anything close was when C. was still a tiny little newborn. We made the mistake of going to Wal.Mart and people there were nuts! One woman said, “Oh he's sooooo adorable, I want him!” to which I replied, “Um NO…I don't think so!”

    People are bizarre!

    Melba

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