about me · being a mommy · life is messy · Little Man · marriage · sleep

A Rant about Sleep (or lack thereof…)

So my child has a sleep disorder. One that is not curable with therapies or surgeries or, really, medication. He has not slept through the night (8 completely uninterrupted, asleep hours) more than a handful of times in 26 months and 9 days.

But who’s counting, right?

I am. His tired mama. Who would like to have whoever decided daylight savings time was a good idea come stay with us for a week.

And here’s my rant, in bullet point fashion, because I am tired.

*I am tired of people asking, “have you tried this method?”. Yes, we have tried it all: cry it out, modified cry it out, co-sleeping, the no cry sleep solution, the happiest baby/toddler on the block, baby wise, baby whisperer, Dr. Sears, Dr. Spock and Dr. Pepper (for mama & daddy).

*I am tired of self righteous comments about how you got your baby to sleep through the night in X months, so obviously you are a better parent and I must suck at it.

*I am tired of the dark circles under my two-year old’s eyes. He could pack luggage in there, which is fine for a mama, but not a child.

*I am tired of reading how important a child’s sleep is for growth and development. It is killing me that he may not grow or develop like he should because his brain refuses to shut down.

*I am tired of reading blogs and Facebook posts where people talk about how important a child’s sleep is to their parents’ relationship. This is slowly eroding our marriage; we have no time alone together, unless we hire a babysitter, and then, really, we are both so tired we just usually fight.

*I am tired of people not realizing this is a serious issue. Most people have toddlers who go to bed between 7 & 8 and sleep, mostly uninterrupted, until 7 or 8 the next morning. That’s like, 2 or 3 hours “off” in the evenings and some time to get ready in the morning. At our house, it looks more like, fight to get him to sleep before 9:30 or 10:00, crash ourselves, get up with him two to five times, and have him up for the day between 5 & 6 am.

*Based on the above: I am tired of not being able to shower everyday, I am tired of not having a quiet, devotional time, I am tired of being so tired when he cries at 5 am that I cry, and I am tired of not getting at least five minutes of peace at night with my husband or five minutes of peace in the morning

*I am tired of people saying, “I don’t know how you do it.” I don’t know, either. I have zero patience, I cry a lot, I swear whenever the child can’t hear me, I break things in our garage for the sheer release, and I overeat.

*I am tired of people staring at Little Man’s fits in public. I just want to scream, “if you only slept half of what your body demands, you’d be melting down, too!”

*I am just tired, mostly of still feeling like this is all my fault, and if I were a better mother, he would be sleeping twelve hours a night.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

7 thoughts on “A Rant about Sleep (or lack thereof…)

  1. **Hugs** This is NOT all your fault. Your poor kiddo has a medical condition, and you're doing all you can to find a treatment. (I'm sorry that's not looking promising.)

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  2. I'm sorry:( I'm pretty sure I've said, “I don't know how you do it” to you before…I apologize. I am praying that you get the answers you need ~ you ARE a fantastic mom!!!

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  3. I feel your pain. My little man was over three before he was sleeping through the night due to autism and other sleep conditions. Right now we do use melatonin. After a break down in my dr. Office from not sleeping she handed me a list of child psychologists and suggested I called them to discuss medication to basically force his mind to shut down. His autism doesn't allow his brain to do this. Right now we are in the first good stretch EVER of sleep in his three years of life we do keep that as a possibility. I don't know if this is even a possibility for his parasomnia but just wanted to mention it.

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  4. Rachel~
    so much of what you wrote about sleep resonated with me. Vivianna did not sleep through the night once until she was almost 3. I was so tired of all of the sleep methods being pushed on me because the fact of it was, I was NOT going to let her cry for an hour at 2 in the morning. Like…EVER. And no, no, no it is not your fault!! I do think, however it doesn't have to be this way. There has got to be something a Dr. somewhere can do. Because you are right about all the problems this lack of sleep is causing for all of you in the family. And I believe there HAS to be a better way.

    I will say too though, when you facebook or blog about your issues…you open it up for people to have an opinion. LOTS of them. Kind of comes with the territory of living life loudly. Happens to me ALL the time! I think it is great that you do. Because there is so much healing in talking about it, getting support from others, and feeling like you are not alone- which is exactly how you feel when you are crying and cussing at the break of dawn!! Been there, girl. I have BEEN there!!

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  5. Praying for you sweet Mama. This is not your fault. I am so sorry you and your family are dealing with this. It has got to be so flipping draining on you all. Hugs.

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  6. First, hugs to you, many hugs.

    Second, I feel your pain. Although he psyched me out by sleeping through the night at seven weeks (!), as his neuro issues came to the fore, it degraded into waking every 90 minutes to two hours. Only baclofen for his muscle spasms offered relief. However, he's growing so fast and with our reluctance to jack his meds, his sleep habits have dived again.

    …all this to say that I feel your pain. Hang in there. XOXO

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