I am officially going to be a mommy.
We are due January 14.
I cannot even begin to wrap my pretty little head around this.
Let the rejoicing begin!
Here’s the story:
Yesterday morning I wrote in my journal (around 5:45am) that I just want to be a mommy to our child – the the child God has chosen for us. I wrote, “How long, O Lord, must I wait?”. I expressed to God how frustrated I am at the waiting and that, even though yesterday was only technically day 36 of my paper pregnancy, how I cannot do this. I cannot split my focus, especially when 98% of my focus was on waiting, leaving only about 2% for everything else in my life.
So I left school at about 4:00 and called my mom. I was talking to her and my phone beeped that I had a voice mail. I found this very odd, as there hadn’t been a phone call. But in the back of mind, in the pit of my stomach, I just knew it would be the lawyer. I hung up with my mom and called my voice mail. Sure enough, it was M from the law office, informing me a birthmother had chosen us and I needed to call her as soon as I could.
Being the responsible adult that I am, I whipped over into the turn lane and pulled into the parking lot of a newly constructed & empty shopping center. I called DH to tell him we had been chosen – we were both stunned and speechless and crying.
Then I called M. At 4:15. Less than 12 hours after I begged God to “fix it.”
How to explain the phone call that will forever change our lives?
We have been chosen by a 29 year old birth mother two counties north of us. In order to honor her privacy and the privacy of our potential child, I will call her “S” and I will refain from sharing tons of details.
I will say she is very educated, very well spoken, has four children already (Birthmom Rebekah – if you are reading this, I have tons of questions for you!!!!), wrote us a lovely letter and is everything I would choose in a birth-mom had I been given the chance. There are also some unusual extenuating circumstances that make me believe she will not change her mind and we will develop a wonderful relationship. Our relationship may not be incredibly open, but I do believe that we will have some good communication in the next 4+ months. We may or may not get to meet her face-to-face (again, extenuating circumstances), but I have the feeling our letters will be excellent means of getting to know each other.
So anyway…I talk to M for 45 minutes. Then I call Keith and tell him. We both call our respective parents and siblings and then I call my best friend, L. L has been through adoption. She has a 3 year old. I told her every detail. We won’t even tell our parents all the details, probably ever, but we told L and her husband M, because they are walking through this with us hand in hand.
We get home and read over the 50+ page profile about S from the lawyer. And we both feel an incredible connection to this woman, and an incredible sense of peace about the whole thing. There are just things about this situation that bring huge smiles to our faces and a huge sense of relief about a number of concerns.
And now all I want to do is go baby shopping 🙂