Obviously I am no longer waiting for anything in our adoption journey. Well, perhaps I am now waiting for wisdom as a mother, but I think that will be an ongoing process.
But Sunday at church, there was this brief video about waiting. It talked about waiting in line and waiting in traffic and how waiting seems worthless. Then there was this line:
“Perhaps what God is doing while you wait is more important than what you are waiting for.”
That line has stuck with me all week. Here it is Thursday morning and that line is still running through my head. Basically, it tells me that as important as Little Man is in my life, what happened while I waited for him is more important.
While I waited…to be approved for adoption…to have the homestudy complete…for my husband to do his bio…to be matched…to meet Little Man’s birthmother…for Little Man to be born…God was doing amazing things in my life.
I have to admit…waiting brought me closer to God than I ever thought possible. And now…now that I’m not waiting on anything…I don’t feel as close to Him. That’s sad. The journey was, in Christian-speak, a valley experience. In the valley (of waiting) I had nothing to do but cry out to God and listen to Him and sit in His lap and be held and comforted. Now that the waiting is over and I’m “busy” I don’t have that. And my busyness is all good…I’m raising our son and keeping our house and serving my husband….but my busyness keeps me away from God.
And that isn’t good.
Now having said all of this, I live in fear that something will happen to my son or my husband to force me back to my knees…force me back into the valley of waiting. In reality, I know life doesn’t usually work that way, but still…
Also having said all of this…Little Man is SO important to me…but I think what I learned about God in the process of the wait IS more important.
And I miss Him…