adoptive parenting · awkward · church · classical conversations · family · homeschooling · infertility · parenting

The “Only” Only

We belong to a fairly family-oriented church. Kids have Sunday School while adults are in class, and then kids over the age of five stay in the worship service. There are children everywhere. Family after family fill our pews.

We are the only family with an only child.

We belong to a very large Classical Conversations group. In fact, our enrollment exploded over the summer and our community is full. We have an entire elementary “school” of preK – 3rd grade, two sections of 4th-6th grade, and 7th and 8th grades this year.

We are the only family with an only child.

the only only

Sure, in both cases, there are different families. There are parents with “second families.” There are parents who reared children and then decided to adopt a whole second set. There are blended families where children were adopted or fostered, or came together due to divorce or death and remarriage. There are grandparents rearing their grandchildren.

Even in those cases, those families are not made up of only three.

It is an odd, kind of heart-wrenching place to be. And don’t get me wrong – no one has ever said anything terribly unkind to me. Beyond the typical “Are you going to adopt again?” questions, no one seems too interested in my womb.

But it weighs heavy.

“Children are a blessing.” Are we being punished?

“Ask and you shall receive.” Really? Because I keep asking.

“God blessed me with a baby at 42!” I’m not holding my breath. But what if…maybe…how many more tears can I cry every four weeks…

“Only children are spoiled brats.” Oh my word, I pray so much against this.

“When you have your morning reading time, have your children take turns…” It’s just me and him.

I don’t even really know why I’m sharing this. Except I’m hoping maybe someone will reach out, and tell me I am not the only one. I know in the CC community down the road there are at least two “only” children families. Is it worth it to switch, to drive twenty-some minutes once a week, to change our entire routine?

Does our church think less of us? Do they think that we have purposely decided to only adopt our one son, and that we don’t desperately wish we could have more? Do they want to know how fervently I prayed for twins, because I could foresee this happening?

I know God is sovereign. I know He has a plan. I know He is good.

That doesn’t make this life any easier or less lonely.


One thought on “The “Only” Only

  1. I hear you and I feel your pain. My daughter nears 2.5 next month, there will very likely be no more children, and I feel myself called to homeschool. Most of the question I have are “how does it work with only one child?”

    I will keep you in my prayers, specifically that God will whisper Truth to you when those questions weigh heavily.


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