I have really been struggling lately with all of the requirements of modern faith. It seems that everywhere a Christian turns, there is a new addition to the list of “musts” associated with being a “good” Christian.
I don’t have enough faith.
I don’t have enough faith to believe that God only created four personality types based on colors, animals, letter combinations, or anything else. I mean, the God who created the infinite color spectrum only created four types of people? I don’t have enough faith.
I don’t have enough faith to believe sins can be easily identified, categorized, and addressed by an occultic number system, and that if I submit to that, my life will be so much better.
I don’t have enough faith to believe that if I give the first 5, 10, or 15 (and it must be a very specific, set-your-timer-and-watch-the-clock) minutes of my day to God (before I pee, take a drink, say good morning to my husband, deal with my child, or regardless of how little I slept the night before), my day will somehow be magically smoother than if I pray without ceasing randomly through the day, or if I read my Bible at 10:57 am or 11:23 pm. I don’t have enough faith.
I don’t have enough faith to believe that Old Testament promises specifically made to the nation of Israel actually belong to me, too.
I don’t have enough faith to claim one verse out of the entire canon of Scripture as “mine,” and build my entire life around it, assuming God can’t or won’t speak to me with other Scriptures that might focus me elsewhere. I don’t have enough faith.
I don’t have enough faith to believe that faith in Jesus means I’ll never again worry, feel lonely, be sick, suffer pain, or experience hardship.
I don’t have enough faith to believe God speak audibly to me, because in thirty years of being a Christian, He hasn’t – ever. I don’t have enough faith.
I don’t have enough faith, apparently, to be a “good,” modern, Christian woman, which makes me feel entirely like an outcast in the modern Christian church.
But I do have this kind of faith: “Jesus replied, ‘Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move’.” (Matthew 17:20) I do have faith as small as a mustard seed – faith in Jesus Himself. And that is all that matters, my friends.