I wanted to write a long, thought out post this evening, but here I sit, eyes heavy from yet another night of little sleep.

I spend the evening looking through old computer files trying to find something for someone, and got seriously distracted by videos. Videos of our child, who will be six in one, short week.

Six.

I could cry.

Videos of his first bath, videos of his first steps, videos of his first time sliding down a set of stairs, videos of him “reading” books, videos of him asking me in his sweet 18 month old voice to sing the “bity” song about the “pider” (itsy bitsy spider) and “aminals.” Videos of my younger than three year old, with a Wii guitar strapped to him, singing worship songs – songs that today he sings at the top of his lungs with the correct words.

I have written before about the overwhelming weight of love I feel as a mother. Some days it crushes me so much that I feel like I am breathing under water. Some days it makes me feel like I could fly! Every day it propels me forward, even when I don’t want to do whatever it is I face.

I am a mother. After years of thinking that would never happen, I…I am mommy.

I cannot take it for granted.

Lately, I am acutely aware that life is so very short. I don’t know if it’s because of my mom’s stroke last year or the awareness of what is happening around the world, but I feel like days are being measured in smaller numbers than ever before.

Our pastor this weekend reminded us that to live is Christ, to die is gain – we shouldn’t live FOR any moment, but we should live IN every moment, seeking Christ in all we do.

It certainly changes one’s perspective on what is important. Am I teaching him that to live is Christ and that dying is ultimately a gain?

How much more time do we have? Six years have passed in the blink of an eye…