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Another

I’m trying to blog regularly, I really am. But I’m afraid that if I truly wrote what’s on my heart right this very minute, both of my readers would switch off their computers in disgust of my whiny self-pity.

Keith and I had a discussion last night, again, about how life

just

seems

so

very

unfair.

I have a twenty year old former student…who has survived cancer…burying her three month old daughter tomorrow.

The drama surrounding my husband’s side of the family is ridiculously unreal. Surreal might be a better word.

Friendships of mine are crumbling, and I’m kind of watching it happen from this weird viewpoint, almost like it’s a television show. I can’t believe it’s actually happening, but after wise counsel, there’s really nothing I should be doing, either, so…

Other friends of mine are finding themselves like Keith and I are: just caught up in the never-ending cycles of life. You just can’t quit GET THERE, wherever “there” might be. There’s always something else, it seems. Another fever; another ear infection; another diagnosis; another bill; another busted pipe; another frozen night; another family fight; another family death; another lie someone tells you; another person who treats you as second-best; another person who says, “well just do THIS,” like “this” is the easiest thing possible when you have $12 and no time to your name; another family pregnancy; another doctor’s or therapist’s appointment; another miscarriage; another sleepless night; another fight with the person you truly love most in the world; another misunderstanding; another phone call from the student loan company; another night of pasta instead of going out for dinner.

What’s your another?

Lately my string of “anothers” just leads me to crying out to God in prayer. And I’m not going to lie: my prayers are often, “God, this is so unfair. Why is it unfair? Why does so and so get seemingly blessed for living what appears to be a self-centered and self-focused life, while those of us who do what you ask get the series of “anothers”? Why did the baby die?

Keith, wisely, reminded me last night, yet again, we are not living for this world.

I obnoxiously said, “But I’m living IN it right now.”

šŸ™‚

Then I hugged and kissed him and grossed out our son and we all had a good laugh. And I was reminded that I am, truly, super blessed.

And then I got a phone call that my great-aunt had passed away and the cycle of “anothers” began yet again.

And I cried out to God, again.

Because, sometimes, all you can do is cry out to Him. Over and over again, every time another thing piles up in your life.

3 thoughts on “Another

  1. Last year felt like an unending year of “anothers” for us. Actually, that was 2013. But we had some things that went right and definitely saw God's hand guiding us too. It was a lot easier to focus on the hard, though. Truly. But that's kind of my default, though I'm working on that every. single. day. Love you – solidarity!

    Like

  2. Cari, I think it's always easier to see God's movements afterwards. I mean, I can totally look back on my life and go, “Oh, yes! That's where God did this and that!” But when you're in the midst of it…uggggggggghh. You can't see anything BUT the hard sometimes, because sometimes, I think, that's all there is to see šŸ˜¦

    Love you, too!!

    Like

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