7 Quick Takes · adoption · adoptive parenting · birth mother · feelings · life is messy · Little Man

Seven Quick Takes: Melancholy Birthday Edition

— 1 —

Tomorrow Little Man will be four. Four. 4. Maybe if I say it, type it, repeat it enough, I will believe it. I mean, it was like yesterday I was waiting on pins and needles for the phone call.

— 2 —

But here it is. Four years later. All he wants for his birthday is to go bowling. A few months ago he discovered Wii bowling, so that’s what he wants to do. We’re having some family and friends over for pizza, cake and ice cream and then heading to the bowling alley for an hour of bowling. Keith and I are very curious to see how he reacts to real bowling. We keep trying to explain it’s not like the Wii at all, but… Oh, well. It should be fun!

— 3 —

He requested a red velvet cake with animals on it. So that’s what he’s getting. We went to Michael’s today and picked out a set of North American Wildlife. I think they’re for like model railroad displays? I don’t know, but I washed them well. I baked a cake, iced it green, sprinkled it with green sugar sprinkles and Christmas tree shapes (loose interpretation of “forest”) and plopped those babies all over it. He loves it! For dinner tomorrow night, he can have anything in the whole wide world he wants!!! He wants….daddy to grill out brats and to have chips and dip. Camping food. Works for us!

— 4 —

I am melancholy though, as it is this time of the year, especially, that I miss his birthmother. I know where she is, thanks to the wonders of the internet, but that is it. We haven’t had contact, per her choice, for three years, as of tomorrow. I ache to call her, write to her, text her. Anything. My heart hurts at the twin thoughts of her wondering and not wondering; at whether she thinks of him or doesn’t; at whether she wants to hear about him or doesn’t. It’s so very painful to this mama’s heart. I want to share what an incredible little boy he is. Obviously I don’t want to hurt her, but what if it’s hurting her more NOT to know? Such a painful tightrope to walk. And any day now he’s going to start understanding more and more. Sigh.

— 5 —

I am also melancholy because I no longer have a baby. He will be four. No longer an infant or a baby or a toddler. Sob sob sob. Cry cry cry. Too bad I don’t drink, because I think I’d like a bottler or two of wine tonight.

— 6 —

I didn’t memorize a verse this week. I didn’t start my new year’s “stuff,” as we had snow days. Keith was home Monday night and Tuesday night because of the weather. His terminal closed (finally, after much deliberation and the realization that DUH! NO FREIGHT TO MOVE) so he got to stay home. That meant no real re-entry into our normal life until Wednesday, but even then, that was kind of “eh.” So we’ll try for next week 🙂

— 7 —

I did realize, thanks to the polar vortex, that I am definitely an introvert. I stayed home from Saturday night until Thursday afternoon. I could have happily stayed beyond that, too, but we had to go to the bank. Today I ventured to the grocery store and Michael’s, and I am worn out from the interaction with people! I like being home. I also have enjoyed feeding my family from my pantry and freezer and watching my reserves dwindle. I’m kind of weird like that; I’m enjoying cooking with what we have. Have a great weekend!!

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