about me · mommy guilt · running

Disappointment

I’m starting to realize a lot of the disappointment I experience is in direct correlation to my unrealistic expectations. Okay, maybe not unrealistic, but not altogether grounded in reality.

This week, thus far, has been one big exercise in adjusting my expectations to avoid abject disappointment.

I am supposed to run a marathon on Saturday…in three days. But an injury during training coupled with a week long sore throat had me adjust my goals: a 1/2 marathon two weeks ago and a 1/2 marathon this Saturday.

Well.

Two weeks ago, the night before the first half, I was nursing what would become a three day migraine, and I somehow twisted my knee while putting Little Man to bed. When my alarm went off early on Saturday and I could barely walk to the kitchen (like ten feet away) I knew no running would happen.

Disappointment.

Yesterday I ended up at immediate care at 7 am, since I had been up all night coughing up my lungs. Severe upper respiratory infection and fever, and the doctor said no half marathon on Saturay. IF, after taking antibiotics and resting between now and Saturday I feel better, I can WALK the 5k, slowly.

Disappointment.

I spent the past two days on the couch, while Little Man watched copious amounts of Netflix and played game after game of Wii Sports and Mario Cart. Combined with last week’s nutso schedule, we are now firmly two weeks behind in our homeschooling. Taking a shower, starting a load of laundry and setting the dishes to soak just left me so exhausted I had to sit down. More video games ensue.

Disappointment.

I expect so much of myself. I have to realize that two (or three) days of screen exposure and easy to make meals is still so much better than it could be. My child is warm, very well fed, healthy and is fine. So what if he watches “Wild Kratz” for four hours? It’s not like it’s an actual daily occurrence around here. And we did go camping over the weekend, so he was outside for practically two days straight.

So what if we’re a few weeks behind in our letters? He’s three, for crying out loud. It’s not like I’m reporting our progress to the local school system for approval. I am just now feeling my way in this homeschool thing; it doesn’t have to be perfect right out of the gate.

Expectations and disappointment.

You’d think I’d learn…

 

2 thoughts on “Disappointment

  1. Girl, don't be so hard on yourself!!! You are doing great. You've been sick, and at least you run a 1/2 (or full) marathon! I haven't gotten my booty off the couch to even try! You rock girl! Feel better soon!!!!

    Like

  2. Disappointment is so tough. I had back spasms Saturday – Tuesday of last week – I was panicking about the marathon, so much I was making them worse. It was so hard to have to consider adjusting my plans – even just my projected finish time. I'm so sorry you had to change your so much – I'll be praying you are lacing up your shoes again very soon!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s