I struggle with making choices. Oh, I am decisive and can make up my mind quickly and surely. But I struggle with making RIGHT choices.
I am a champion excuse maker.
I have decided to do a full marathon in October. Yes, that seems a million years from now, but I have to start training today.
And every today, from now until October 20.
Two weeks ago Keith said, gently (although I didn’t take it so gently), that he is concerned about my marathon goal, because I am not training enough.
He is not concerned about my travel to San Francisco (even after Boston) or my leaving the family for five days of “solo” travel (I will be with a team from Indy), or even the $4000 I have to raise between now and August. He is concerned because I am not out there pounding the pavement enough.
I moped for a few days and then realized he is right.
I feel guilty taking 45 minutes “away” for a run and another 30 for the post-run routine. This morning, for example, he didn’t get home until after 9:00. That meant pushing his bedtime back by a good hour so I could go run. And he was totally okay with that.
But I feel guilty about it, and I frequently use that guilt as an excuse to make the choice to not go run.
I feel guilty asking him to play with his own son (or feed him breakfast) while I go out for a run, because I feel like those are my job to do every day.
(I am ridiculous, and I realize that, but maybe somebody else struggles with guilt?)
I don’t desire copious amounts of “me” time. I don’t throw my kid at my husband the second he walks through the door to escape to the coffee shop, or to go out with friends (hard to do at 8 am anyway). I don’t hand off my parenting to other people frequently throughout the week.
So why do I feel guilty making a GOOD choice to exercise and alleviate some stress (and, okay, justify ice cream or popcorn regularly)?
Why do I feel guilty asking my parents to watch the kiddo here and there, just so I can go for a run or sit with Jesus somewhere?
I don’t know. But if you manage to do these things without feeling guilty, let me know how, okay?