life is messy · transracial adoption

Doesn’t Happen to Us?

I read a ton of blogs. Seriously, my bookmark list is a mile long (someone, please, teach me about RSS feeds. Please). I read a diverse group of blogs, but a large number of them are, of course, adoption related. I read adoptee blogs, adoptive parent blogs, birthparent blogs, and transracial family blogs.

It’s that last set that makes me feel…left out.

See, I am forever reading about encounters transracial families have with other people – negative encounters. Encounters where people ask questions that are inappropriate. Think along the lines of how much the child cost.

But that doesn’t happen to us. People don’t stare at us. People don’t ask us inappropriate questions. People generally don’t say stupid things to us.

And I wonder why.

We don’t live in a particularly diverse area, but it is growing more so every day. I regularly see transracial families (and usually it’s during the day, so it’s only moms & kiddos, so maybe they are adoptive families or maybe they are interracial marriages. I don’t know. I don’t ask). It’s not unusual to see families that look like us at the mall, the grocery store, the library, the park, church.

Now, I do get asked where Little Man is from. But it’s phrased that way 99% of the time: where is he from, not, where did you get him. Or, the more educated families ask me if it was a domestic adoption. I don’t get asked about his birth family, I don’t get asked how much we paid, I don’t get asked about his hair.

Maybe I look unapproachable? Except…almost every time I’m at the grocery store another customer asks me where something is or if I can reach something off of a top shelf for them.

Or maybe I just am unaware. Maybe people do stare, but I’m too busy enjoying being a mommy to notice. Or maybe because I frequently look strangers in the eye, smile and say hello before they have a chance to say anything it causes them to stop with the questions. Or maybe it’s because Little Man is just so dang cute people comment on that instead.

I don’t know. Our experiences have been mostly positive… Thank God.

Surely we’re not alone in this?


See? How ridiculously adorable is this child? That’s what we hear… how gorgeous he is. Not stupid questions.

4 thoughts on “Doesn’t Happen to Us?

  1. I get comments and stares all the time.

    I didn't used to. When it was just Isabella (black) and me (white) it was easy to see she was adopted (when we were together as a family of 3), and then people just assumed that her Daddy was black if I was out with her alone.

    FYI…we live in a mostly black neighborhood, so I am the one who sticks out…ha ha!

    Then we adopted Isaiah (bi-racial…AA/C) and it is confusing to people. Our kids are not the same skin color as eachother nor either of their parents. It made people stare at me and ask me if they were my kids ALL THE TIME!!

    Then, 8 months ago I started babysitting full time for a blond hair blue eye white girl. I take the 3 kids out all the time. People stare. People ask me questions. A lot of people probably think I am some kind of whore…having kids with 3 different fathers.


  2. Our first two years in TX we got questions, comments and stares.
    Here in CA we get almost nothing now.

    When it's just the girls and I people just assume I'm married to a black man, it's only when we are out as a family that we get looks, but I don't normally notice them.


  3. Awh, he is the cutest! 🙂

    We don't get any comments either so I'm glad I'm not alone! I think most people assume my husband is black when we are out and about, but even when we are all together…nothing. We do sometimes get asked where we adopted E from, but it is always asked in a nice way. My guess is that people are just more aware of adoption…it seems like I know so many people who've adopted so others must know at least one person?!


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