being a mommy · feelings · life is messy · marriage · parenting


Our neighbors fight. A lot. I know this because I can hear them (especially when they fight in their detached garage, or on their driveway between our homes). I also know this because she posts everything to Facebook.

Frequently when I peruse Facebook in the mornings, I get to read a lengthy post about their most recent fight. Luckily the topic rarely changes: her non-contribution to their family as a SAHM of three.


I don’t know what is actually said and what is actually perceived and what is actually true. But her recent posts are all about finding a job so she can contribute. She also throws in a large dose of passive-aggressive speech like, “because I don’t do anything all day” and, “because apparently I don’t contribute” and, “apparently my ‘job’ isn’t important.”

I have no idea if her husband says these things to her. But I do know my husband has NEVER said any such thing to me. And for that, I am grateful.

Why! Here’s my dirty little secret for today: I often don’t feel like I am contributing to our family.

Because I earn zero money. Zip. Zilch. Nada. None.

I don’t sell anything from home, I don’t watch other kids in our home for money, I haven’t sold any writing. I don’t extreme coupon. I don’t tutor or give any kind of lesson.

Plus, I have a hefty student loan debt.

Why is it our society thinks only earning money = contributing?

I am rearing our child. I am teaching him, playing with him, reading to him, nurturing and nourishing him. I may be shaping a future very important man of God!!

Why do I think that is not worthy?

I maintain our home, our kitchen, our laundry room, our bank account, our bills, our medical things.

Why do I think that is nothing?

I serve our church in various ways. I nurture friendships and family relationships. I am able to frequently help people at the last minute, because my schedule is flexible.

Why do I think those things are unimportant?

Lies from the Enemy are loud; he prowls around like a lion, after all. I have to ignore him.

But some days are harder than others. Yes?

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

4 thoughts on “Contribution

  1. We were paying $800 a month in child care per kid and $200 a month for housekeeping when I worked. We ate out more frequently because I didn't have time to cook. It costs money to work.


  2. You make very valid points. I do not know your neighbor, but I do know a SAHM with 4 kids who does not 'contribute' to her family. It is possible. She is lazy and disrespectful to her husband. She doesn't clean, nor does she make meals. Yet she goes to church and bible study and complains about how her husband doesn't love her. I can't believe he has stayed with her for almost 20 years. He does it because he loves her and knows it is better for the kids if he does his best to follow God's plan.


  3. Amen. I often feel the same way, that I'm not “contributing” as a SAHM, particularly during these last few months when I've been on bedrest and have been incurring babysitting expenses. Bless you for helping us keep it all in perspective!


  4. I often feel like I don't contribute enough. I'm terrible at cleaning, and I really hate to cook. Brandon does or helps with both of those. I know I'm doing a great job with the kids, but I always feel like I should be doing more. I resort to money-earning ventures because those come to me more easily than cleaning or cooking. :p


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