adoptive parenting · Butler · feelings · firsts · Keith · Little Man · real life friends · sadness · surprises

Basketball and Big Bellies

Yesterday we were treated to a basketball game at Butler University. I graduated from there nearly fifteen years ago (gulp! gasp! ack!) and my parents have season tickets. Their seat neighbors were going to be unable to attend, so we got to go instead.

We began in the West Gym (where I suffered such stupidity as flag football and made up games when it was too cold outside for “lifetime fitness” class). Little Man got to eat a hot dog, chips, popcorn and pretzels. He got to run around meeting other little kids, and he got to see from about three feet away the new bulldog mascot, Trip. He was having fun!

Let me pause here to mention the game began at 2:00. Prime nap time.

Next we climbed the ramps to the upper level and then walked down to our excellent seats. We paused to meet a male and female cheerleader and have pictures taken with them (LM *loved* this sweet college gal & she was very kind to him). We passed him back and forth. We danced to the band ( who played the same songs we played when I was in the band!) and the music over the loudspeakers. We were fine during the National Anthem.

Then began the saga of “All done basketball game” and “Too loud”. Keith took him for a walk, but he is currently injured and using a cane; not exactly easy on daddy to carry a toddler up and down stairs and manage a cane! So they came back and LM wanted to snuggle with mama. He kept saying, “Nap” and “Too loud.” So he and I retreated back to the West Gym where he promptly fell asleep sprawled across my lap.

We spent the second half walking the halls of Hinkle Fieldhouse. He was happy to look at everything; I was happy to recall my college days. I loved college, and I loved all the time I spent in Hinkle as a band member all four years. I only wished I had the stroller, because it was a beautiful day and we could have escaped the noise for a quiet stroll through campus. Note for next time.

After the game LM got high fives from the team as they ran off court to the locker room. Then he got to run around the court and pet Blue, the current mascot. He also appears briefly on the local news station broadcast of the post game interview with Coach Stevens! Well, in the background, anyway.

But, none of that was the most interesting part of the day. Here is the most interesting part:

On the drive to the game, we passed the hospital where LM was born. I pointed and said, “There’s where you were born, Buddy!”

And LM said, “Mama big belly,” and I don’t know if it was a question or a statement.

“Mama big belly.”

Now, I have a number of friends who are currently pregnant; women we see every week. I talk to LM about Miss R and Miss C and Miss H having babies in their bellies.

However, we also discovered a new game this week where LM lifts my shirt, tickles me and talks about my belly.

So was this just a random announcement, or…even though we have told him his birth story countless times, does he think he came out of my belly?

My immediate reaction was to tell everyone in the car about our new game. But it was truly bittersweet. While I have no desire to be pregnant, I do sometimes wish I had given birth to my son. And it makes me sad sometimes that he didn’t grow in my belly.

I thought I would have more time before we had to start having these conversations.

So that was our day yesterday: basketball, and big bellies (both mentioned and caused by yummy lasagna, garlic bread, asparagus and red velvet cake at our house after the game!).

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

One thought on “Basketball and Big Bellies

  1. Hi. I stumbled on your blog from a comment you left on another blog, that I stumbled on from a link on a friend's blog. Does that make any sense?
    Anyway, I'm always interested to read about other experiences of infertility and/or adoption. While I can't call myself infertile anymore (1 pregnancy 7 years ago – at which point we'd been married almost 12 years) I do still think of myself as infertile. We (husband and I) came to realize that was the case and accepted it – and then we were blessed with 2 adoptions. The pregnancy was the shock of a lifetime, and unfortunately, has not happened again. Anyway, hopefully that's enough of an introduction regarding my reasons for stalking your blog 🙂
    What made me want to comment was the following line in your post:
    “While I have no desire to be pregnant, I do sometimes wish I had given birth to my son. And it makes me sad sometimes that he didn't grow in my belly.”
    I just wanted to say that you perfectly expressed how I felt about my daughters after their adoptions. That feeling was strongest for me when they were babies and then as they got older, the feeling slowly faded. The thing I've come to realize (my girls are 12 and 7) is that whose “tummy they grew in” doesn't matter to them. They simply know that I am their Mom. But, for me – I needed some time being a Mom to grow in confidence that I really was one (I don't know about you, but being infertile also made me feel inferior.) I felt major insecurity about being an “adoptive” Mom when everyone else got the Mom title by pregnancy and birth. Once some time had passed, however, our girls became simply our daughters (not our ADOPTED daughters) in our minds, and in the minds of our family and friends – and that was nice. I never want to ignore the fact that they are adopted, but it doesn't have to be a major point of discussion all the time. And really, unless I'm in a reflective mood (like around their birthdays) I don't think about their adoptions much. Now I suppose it's also true that I found some peace by experiencing pregnancy and birth. I have to be honest and say that I was relieved to know for sure that my feelings about my daughter by birth are – and were – no different than my feelings for my adopted daughters.
    Sorry for the long ramble. It was just a neat experience to read someone else put my thoughts into words.


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