adoption · adoption myths · adoptive parenting · anti-adoption · Little Man · parenting

Today As An Adoptive Mom

You know, most days, I am just Little Man’s mom. We do normal stuff. He calls me “mommy,” we go to the zoo, we watch Sesame Street. It’s not that I forget that he was adopted, but it’s not on the top of my list of things I think about.

But today…oh, today.

First, in my MOPS meeting our guest speaker was a family therapist. No big deal, I thought, until she handed out the family tree assignment. Honestly, I thought I had until at least kindergarten before I had to worry about this. And Little Man was in the preschool area, so he was happily riding around in a wagon playing with other kids. He wasn’t affected by this little assignment at all.

This time.

But I spent the entire time wondering how this paper, the terminology, the presentation, would affect him when he is faced with it. “Biological” and “family of origin” and such. (another reason homeschooling looks so good to me!)

I don’t say anything, though, because I don’t want to be the “difficult” one, or the one harping all the time about adoption education issues. But then another woman, a new woman to our group, one I have not yet met, raises her hand and says, “I was adopted. So how does this work for me?” I wanted to stand up and cheer and hug this woman.

Instead, I watched the speaker hem and haw and completely not answer her question or address her concerns. Then, I watched this brave adult adoptee look as if she was battling tears the rest of the presentation. I felt like her very valid concerns were dismissed…and I ached for her. She left before I got a chance to say anything to her, and I wasn’t sure what I would say, except, “Thank you for being brave and asking.”

So I was already unsettled tonight. That has been weighing heavily on me since this morning.

Then.

Oh, then.

My favorite TV show is on again!! “Parenthood” on NBC.

(sarcasm font)

Of course they are going to have an adoption story.

(sarcasm font done)

And three times the phrase “buy her baby” was used.

I about had a stroke. Even if (and it is a big IF) the writers are trying to portray what a potential adoptive couple might think or say to one another in private, it was tasteless.

Taste.less.

Regardless of your stance on the need for reform in the adoption industry, the phrase “buy a baby” should NEVER be so much as hinted at. Now, some will say that you are buying a baby, so zip it, Rachel. And others will agree that when you pay for an adoption you are paying for professionals and services and not a human being.

Regardless… What a horrible thing to put forth on a television show thais widely regarded as good and real.

I realize that my son has a lifetime of adoption issues ahead of him. And I am not so naive as to believe having been adopted will have no effect on him or that my love is enough to heal his losses.

But I shudder at the thought of the carelessness with which he might be treated by people who should know better. I pray, fervently, that although confusion and anger may be a part of his life, that bitterness is never granted a foothold in his heart. I pray, fervently, that he knows who he is, as a child of God, regardless of who his family is and is not.

I pray that he never faces a professional unprepared to handle his questions.
fu

I pray that he never, for even a second, thinks that we bought him like a pet or a piece of furniture.

I pray that he… Well, I just pray. Fervently.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

6 thoughts on “Today As An Adoptive Mom

  1. I have already started thinking about the family tree project. My parents are divorced and both remarried, so my tree was huge, but our daughter's will look different. I've decided to draw the tree with roots. The roots being her birth family members and the branches being our family.

    I've never seen the show you are talking about, but now I'm kind of glad I haven't!

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  2. I'm sorry. When I would discuss the possibility of us adopting, which was a great possibility during our battle with infertility, and still want to do in the future, I have used the phrase, “buy a baby” or “go out and get one”. I'm sorry. I guess I never realized it offended so greatly.

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  3. Oh and P.S. My Dad was adopted. And we always use his adopted family for our family tree, with a small asterisk by his name, labeling adopted at the bottom of the page. My grandfather is my grandfather. I know there's some folks in Ireland that cared enough to give my Dad up, but they are not in my family tree.

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  4. I had to skip the parenthood part of your blog since I haven't seen it yet, but I did want to say something about your mops group. What is with your group always having such awkward moments? I seem to remember previous awkward encounters there. That was really insensitive of the speaker to not really deal with the question.

    I'm going to a new mops group tomorrow and am a little nervous about adoption issues, for some reason.

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  5. Wow, the story about the adult adoptee in tears because of the family tree project. Really makes you think about our kids when they are older. Will we teach them the right way to handle it as they grow and have to do this project in school so that when they are adults.

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  6. I have been silently reading your blog for a while and really love it! I had to de-lurk here because YESS Parenthood made me so angry! As we are waiting to adopt right now, and work so hard to dispell attitudes about the fees, etc, shows like this (or like Grey's Anatomy when they miraculously just get a baby from AFrica at the snap of their fingers) just destroy all the progress on educating our family and friends. My mom jokes when we have a good fundraising day “Yes, we bought an earlobe” and while she means no harm, it makes me mad 🙂

    Meg

    http://godwillfillthisnest.wordpress.com

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