I love my son.
I LOVE my son. I cannot believe how much I love him. Before we adopted, I did secretly wonder how much I would love our child. I mean, you hear all the time about the bond between a mother and the naked, slimy newborn laying on her chest. I did wonder if I could truly love like that.
Now I cannot imagine my life and my days without him.
I love his sleepy smiles in the morning. I love his soft skin after a bath. I love his belly button (that we thought would never heal!). I love his kissable lips. I love his giggle. I love his big crocodile tears. I love his little arms wrapped around me neck. I love when he says “mama!” and “mommy!” and even “hey babe!” and “Rachel!”. I love how he wants to read “a moon” before nap (Goodnight Moon) and “monkey” (Five Little Monkeys).
I love the way he smells. I love when I kiss away his salty tears. I love the smell of his sweaty little head. I love the weight of him in my arms, on my hip, on my lap, curled up next to me on the couch or in bed.
I love him so much that my heart hurts from it.
I love him so much that sometimes I think I am suffocating because of it.
I love him so much that many nights as I rock him (back) to sleep I am moved to tears.
And I love the physicality of being his mommy; I love everything about holding him and being near him. I love kissing him and holding his hand and rubbing his back. I love picking him up and carrying him and wrestling around with him. I love playing in the pool with him and kicking a soccer ball to him and chasing him.
It has surprised me, this physicality of motherhood. And it has surprised me how much I love and revel in it.
And then I wonder… Is that normal?
I mean, do biological mommies feel this way about their little boys? Are they moved to tears? Do they revel in their physical relationship with their sons?
Do they wonder if it is normal?
Do they wonder if they love their son TOO much?
And then I think I’m only questioning myself because I am an adoptive mother. Surely biological mothers don’t question this.
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