adoptive parenting · being a mommy · Little Man · questions

Is This Normal?

I love my son.

No, really.

I LOVE my son. I cannot believe how much I love him. Before we adopted, I did secretly wonder how much I would love our child. I mean, you hear all the time about the bond between a mother and the naked, slimy newborn laying on her chest. I did wonder if I could truly love like that.

Now I cannot imagine my life and my days without him.

I love his sleepy smiles in the morning. I love his soft skin after a bath. I love his belly button (that we thought would never heal!). I love his kissable lips. I love his giggle. I love his big crocodile tears. I love his little arms wrapped around me neck. I love when he says “mama!” and “mommy!” and even “hey babe!” and “Rachel!”. I love how he wants to read “a moon” before nap (Goodnight Moon) and “monkey” (Five Little Monkeys).

I love the way he smells. I love when I kiss away his salty tears. I love the smell of his sweaty little head. I love the weight of him in my arms, on my hip, on my lap, curled up next to me on the couch or in bed.

I love him so much that my heart hurts from it.

I love him so much that sometimes I think I am suffocating because of it.

I love him so much that many nights as I rock him (back) to sleep I am moved to tears.

And I love the physicality of being his mommy; I love everything about holding him and being near him. I love kissing him and holding his hand and rubbing his back. I love picking him up and carrying him and wrestling around with him. I love playing in the pool with him and kicking a soccer ball to him and chasing him.

It has surprised me, this physicality of motherhood. And it has surprised me how much I love and revel in it.

And then I wonder… Is that normal?

I mean, do biological mommies feel this way about their little boys? Are they moved to tears? Do they revel in their physical relationship with their sons?

Do they wonder if it is normal?

Do they wonder if they love their son TOO much?

And then I think I’m only questioning myself because I am an adoptive mother. Surely biological mothers don’t question this.

Right?

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

10 thoughts on “Is This Normal?

  1. I love this post and I'm curious what biological mothers will say in response. I'm sure all kinds of mothers feel love, but I do wonder if mothers who give birth feel it differently. Like, maybe adoptive mothers have more gratitude mixed in with their love….the pure emotion of being given such a GIFT. Should be interesting to see what others say!

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  2. This is perfectly and beautifully written. I feel the same way and have also wondered if I feel this way because I am an adoptive mother who knows what it feels like to long for a child to love…
    Awesome post!
    ~Amanda

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  3. Sounds COMPLETELY normal to me, as the mama of a 3 year old boy! :). Oh, and I love that he calls you “Rachel” :). Brett calls me “Carrie” sometimes and I seriously can't stop laughing.

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  4. Mine are biological, and Yes. I cry about them all the time, thanking God to the point of tears daily, for the holding, hugging, snuggling, the warmth of their breath when they sleep. I often wonder if they are going to be teased for being Mama's boys…in fact, I secretly hope so.

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  5. Yes…I revelled in that stage of my boys…each in a different way if that is possible…mostly because each of my boys is SO different. You know both of my boys so you know how differnt they are. I felt moved to tears just looking at my nathaniel..even now in his manly 16 yo body due to his prematurity. He was my first, my miracle baby, the son we had waited SO long to have. I loved watching him study the tiny ribbon between his fingers on his favorite toy…and how he would look at me and smile at his discoveries. With Theo…I loved his difference from Nate…and his solid firm toddler body I had to catch to love on…but it was SO worth it. I just loved the fact they weren't girls as it was mostly me, my mom and sister in our home so boys were a bit of a mystery…and I still love it to this day. Tonight, looking at my now big boys taking up all of the couch..I wondered how I could gather each of them intomy lap to just rock and hug without them totally thinking I was losing it! I SO love my sons….

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  6. just linked to your blog from another…but…as the mother to a biological child and a child through embryo adoption….it really is no different. Yes…I carried and birthed them both, but my son is our genetic child and our daughter is 100% NOT related genetically to us. I love them with the same intensity in all the ways you described…but I will admit I have an overwhelming feeling of awe and gratitude when it comes to our daughter sometimes. I almost feel a bit like I need to take more care with her because someone entrusted her to me so selflessly. But then I have to remind myself that God has entrusted me with both of these children. Children that I am sure He picked out for me long ago. So yes… I do believe biological moms love their kids the same…I just feel that maybe they don't frame it in the same way us adoptive/fertility challenged moms do because the journey to get there was so different.

    kd

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