I know it’s been forever since I posted. Like practically the whole month. So be gentle with me as I ease back into this world of blogging, as my heart is very sensitive right now.
I have so much on my heart and soul and mind to write about. There has been so much that has happened in the past nineteen days or so: drama. More drama. Vacation. Doctor’s visits. Illness. Injury. Home remodeling. Fits (mine and Little Man’s). No time. Lack of sleep. Teething.
But mostly what is on my heart right now is our lack, once again, of an open adoption.
Little Man’s birth mother is gone. I mean, we know where she is, but she has cut off all communication again, and she has made some choices that will make communicating with her for a while, and potentially in the future, almost impossible.
Open adoption is all the rage currently. It seems that everyone I know who is involved in adoption has an open adoption; the adoptees I know, the adoptive parents I know, the birth parents I know.
But my first job as Little Man’s mother is to protect him from harm: social, mental, physical, emotional. And at 15 months, I don’t believe he is susceptible to emotional harm from a relationship with his birth mother. But someday… in the future… if her life continues along this path… if she continues to say things and not follow through… he will be very susceptible to emotional harm.
So how does one make the decision?
It’s easy in a vacuum, with a lack of the complete picture, to make the blanket statement that open adoption is best for everyone. It’s even easy for you, the reader, to judge me by what I write, as you don’t have the complete picture, either. So you might even say that open adoption is always best for everyone.
But is it? Really, is it? Even if it brings harm and pain and sadness to multiple people? How is that “the best”?
And maybe I shouldn’t even be concerned about this at this point. Again, he’s only 15 months old. But it’s already heavy on my heart; someday I will be responsible for explaining to Little Man the circumstances surrounding his adoption and his relationship (or lack thereof) with his birth mother.
I hesitate to even post this. Not that I’m that popular or well read by others. But this is such a sensitive topic in the world of adoption. I don’t have any answers or anything profound… I just wonder, with a heavy heart, what will happen to my son someday.