Tuesday at MOPS our Executive Minister was the guest speaker. I love our Exec. Min. I actually have a teeny tiny crush on him. But every time he opens his mouth, wisdom pours out.
He began his talk by saying there is no such thing as balance. Society today tells people, especially mothers, I think, that we need to find balance. Balance between working and being home. Balance between being a wife and a mother. Balance between housework and playtime. Balanced meals. Balanced checkbook.
It’s the elusive dream: if you just achieve balance, all will be right with your world.
* snort *
He said it’s more managing the tension between your time and your energy, because you usually have plenty of one and not enough of the other. You might have oodles of time one day… and the energy to do nothing but lay on the couch and rest. You might have oodles of energy the next day… and absolutely no time that isn’t pre-scheduled with a gazillion activities.
It’s all about managing the tension between your time and your energy.
That will help you simplify your life.
You have to learn that you will never have enough of both, at least not at the same time.
I found that very wise. I also found it very applicable today when I was basically snowed in (okay. we got like 1 1/2″ of snow, but I’m driving on one broken tire and one spare. not taking the kiddo out in that). I had lots of time today.
But no energy.
Yesterday I tweaked my back somehow with Little Man at the dentist. I think it’s because I was struggling to hold him down while the dentist looked into his mouth. Anyway… by the time we got home yesterday I could barely move. Add to that Keith getting home at 8:00 last night and my getting up with Little Man in the middle of the night… you can imagine I didn’t feel well today.
And, unfortunately, pain killers which make me drowsy and my active toddler wouldn’t be a good mix!
So while I had lots of time today… no energy. I did a lot of sitting with LM in my lap, reading to him (the same two books over and over. I may have to hide those….). I did a lot of laying on the floor while LM played all over me.
And it was a good day and my back feels better.
But my to-do list for tomorrow just got longer.
Managing the tension – that’s the key. Quit searching for balance, because it’s probably not going to happen.
Wise wise words from a wise wise man.
The other wise thing he said is something I am still chewing on.
His wife (who I also love and have a bit of a woman-crush on) was a stay at home mom off and on for the past twenty-some years. He mentioned he remembered the evenings when he’d get home, and he was exhausted, but his wife, who was also exhausted, handed off the three little ones.
She thought, “He’s home! I get a break!”
He though, “I’m home! I can collapse!”
And this is the gem: “Your exhaustion is not your husband’s exhaustion. Your husband’s exhaustion is not your exhaustion. And God wants to bear both of your weariness.”
Because there are days, when Keith gets home after 7:30, especially, that I am exhausted and frustrated.
But so is he.
And I kind of assume that playing with LM and putting him to bed will make Keith feel better.
But some night, mmm, not so much. Some nights Keith just wants to collapse as much as I do.
It’s a different kind of tension.
So I have to learn to manage the tension of our dual-different exhaustions.
Like I said, I’m still unpacking that… I’m sure I’ll have more to say on it later.
Good luck, this weekend, managing your tensions!!