This past week I worked at church every day. We had a huge leadership conference for multiple churches on Thursday and Friday, so I was working at it. It’s a huge blessing to be at home, because I can volunteer for such things.
I dropped Little Man off with his grandparents on Thursday morning. I have to admit there were multiple points during the day where I just missed him. I was confident my dad & step-mom were taking good care of him; he was being loved on and played with and had lots of space to crawl around and explore. But I missed him.
Being an at-home mom, I get to spend all day every day with my son. Some days that is a great thing; some days it is a trying experience. I am an introvert by nature; I do not draw energy from being around people. I draw my energy from being alone…in silence…in solitude. I need to refresh and recharge by sitting in silence and being alone. Having a toddler (because let’s face it – he’s too mobile to be called an infant at this point!) around 24/7 is not really conducive to silence and solitude.
Back to my point, however…because I spend so much time with him, being apart from him for 12 + hours last Thursday was hard for me. I missed him. My heart literally ached at one point.
Then I wondered…
The ache in my heart because I missed him was a new experience for me. But it made me consider the ache in God’s heart when His children are apart from Him. I know that I have (unfortunately) caused that ache in His heart. There have been times I have been deliberately apart from Him. Then there are times that it wasn’t really deliberate – it was the nature of my life (aka sleep deprivation and having an infant not understanding night vs day). I had to sleep when the baby slept and I didn’t spend a lot of time talking to God (other than pleas for help and sleep).
I apologized to Him, actually, in my prayer journal, for ever causing that ache in His heart. And then I wondered how much His heart aches for His children that ignore Him or deliberately choose not to believe, for whatever reasons. How much must God’s heart ache to be in relationship with – to be close to – His children. ALL of us!
I was recently talking to my BFF (who is also an adoptive mother and recently did a large research paper on adoption from a Biblical worldview). She said she has learned (as had I – it’s crazy how we come together with the SAME things on our agendas to share with each other!) that she has to have compassion for people who don’t have Jesus. Imagine living without Jesus and that saving knowledge of His grace…
I have to have compassion for the people who don’t love what I blog about. I have to have compassion for the people who call me names and call my son names and question the validity of our family and our experiences. Because I see it all through the lens of Jesus…and if they don’t, well, that is sad. God’s heart aches for them to come to know Him – to REALLY really know Him. To know His love, His peace, His rest, His grace, His forgiveness. To know that He can save you. My heart should ache for that, too.
So being apart from my child for a day (and a night – he was asleep when I got home) taught me to have more compassion, because God misses His children way more than I missed my son.