infertility · parenting · privacy · real life friends


Mel, the Stirrup Queen, posts a Friday Roundup of blogs she finds most interesting throughout the week. This week’s roundup has prompted two thoughts, one from a comment on her roundup and one on the post about whether or not infertility makes someone a better parent.

First, one of Mel’s commenters makes mention about how open she is with the people in her life concerning her blog. She phrases it something like “coming out of the blog closet.”

Here’s the thing…I have no idea who I know in real life that is reading my blog. I mean, yes, I know certain freinds are, because they are linked to me and they comment. But other than that…I have no idea. My mom knows I have a blog, but I highly doubt she knows what that means (okay, well she does because we saw Julie and Julia together. But accessing a blog? A whole different story). But my dad and stepmom…I don’t know if they know. And I wonder what they would think if they read it. Would they think less of me? More of me? Be angry at me? Wonder if some of the things I’ve said in posts labeled “family” are about them?

How private are you with your blog? I mean, I don’t pull any punches, as you can see if you read past entries and their comments….I piss people off on a regular basis and I know I lose readers at a fairly steady rate. I also know I have some adoptees who read…but I don’t think they comment much because (rightly so) they’re afraid people will follow from here and attack them on their own turf (which is why I secretly read adoptee blogs but don’t comment often).

I don’t link my blog entries to facebook…I think I’m afraid of who will read and be upset with me. Which is stupid, because I write for me and to *maybe* hopefully help a reader or two in their own life journey. But what if I anger someone really important to me? Then again…I’ve probably angered them in real life, so what’s the difference?

What about you – who knows you have a blog?

The other thought stems from a post on whether or not infertility makes you a better parent. There are something like 85 comments now on that post, and I haven’t commented. It’s a little…um…well….there’s talk of porn, let’s just leave it at that. So I didn’t link to it, but you can find it if you go to Mel’s blog. Anyway…am I a better parent because of infertility?
Sometimes I think yes.
Sometimes I think no.
Mostly I think that however I (publicly) answer this question, attacks would be forthcoming, and I am not at an emotional point right now where I can handle that.
But it is a provocative question…
Does infertility make someone a better parent? Here’s my public answer: I want my infertility to make me a better parent…so I have to choose to live that way. I have to let my infertility into the realm of my parenting and force me to become a better parent. Daily.
That’s my answer, and I’m sticking to it.

9 thoughts on “Hmmmm….

  1. Yes and then I chickened out. I've been trying to come out of the blog closet lately, so I've just casually mentioned a couple of times that I have a blog. And then someone asked me for the address and I panicked. (I just wrote about something that she was at and I knew she'd recognize who I was talking about.) So I didn't give her the address. But I am working on it.


  2. Privacy, I haven't worried about privacy until now. And that's not for family it's for the children that might come in to our home as foster parents.
    But my biggest concern is if Isabel's birthmom finds my main blog and is offended. That would devastate me. Although I don't think I've ever said anything that would offend her you never know how someone reads something.

    I have the family blog set up and trust that no one searches.

    Good answer regarding infertility making you a better parent, or not.


  3. Hmmm interesting post! πŸ™‚ I don't comment often because I don't feel it's really my place to. I didn't adopt, and I dont' have infertility. I do, however, have a very soft heart for those who have gone through it. I have close friends who have, and I know that it very easily could have been me. That said…I don't know if infertility necessarily makes you a better parent. I do think though that as a group, infertile people ARE better parents. The reason for that? The people who have concieved or adopted after infertility did so because they VERY much WANT to be parents. I wasn't something that came halfheartidly or as a 'surprise'. Also, they tend to be two parent households. (another can of worms and I greatly respect singlep parents, but having the support of a loving partener makes parenting easier.) But, that doesn't mean that somebody with infertility is better than all other devoted parents. But I don't really think anybody feels that way. lol
    My other thought, I don't understand trolls. I don't understand why somebody would want to come and harass somebody becaue they had a medical condition, or adopted a baby in need of a good and loving home. I don't understand that kind of hatred, or where it stems from. It makes me sad that people feel that way.


  4. The whole reason I went private a couple of weeks ago was that I added a geographic locater to my blog and it was driving me CRAZY to see that someone from K's birthmom's city was checking in two, three, or four times a day. She chose not to meet us (or even choose us, for that matter), so I have a lot left to the imagination, and I just couldn't take it anymore…I wanted to write, and with all of the possibilities, I felt like I couldn't say anything anymore.

    My mom, sister, and a FEW close friends know about my blog, but that's it. I don't write it for everyone in the world that I know…that's why I send email updates. I feel like I should have a “safe place” to voice my thoughts and feelings to people who have experienced the same thing, and sad to say, lots of people I know would treat my blog as the latest gossip…not cool.

    You know how I feel about infertility making me a parent from my last post…YES it definitely does, because of the appreciation factor. I would NOT be the same mom I am without it!!!


  5. i offhandedly mention that i've met a person or found a tip thru blogging, but no one really asks for my blog info, and if they did, i wouldn't share it. my content just isn't for my fam and friends (friends that i haven't met thru blogging) πŸ˜‰


  6. No one knows about my blog IRL. Not that I know of anyway.

    I think I am a better parent because of IF. Not better than anyone else, but better than I think I would have been without it. I think many things come into play there. A lot of that has to do with time, though. I would have been 5 years younger and a really young mom if I had gotten pregnant when I first wanted to. I learned a ton about life in general during those five years. My marriage was tested and strengthened and I had a ton of time to evaluate what I really wanted out of life and what kind of parent I wanted to be.

    Now, do I think IF has made me a better parent than someone who didn't go through IF? No. Well, some people, but that isn't IF related. πŸ™‚ Just kidding. Kind of. πŸ™‚


  7. I need a place where I can vent about the crazies in my life, not just about infertility or adoption. There is no way I'd tell anyone in my family about it. Some friends, sure (not that I have or will); no family. But I have mentioned here and there I have a pseudonymic blog to the occasional passerby.

    Has infertility made me a better parent? Probably not, but it has made me more grateful for parenthood when it came along. If anything, I'm probably more grateful for Boy than I would be if I'd borne him myself – I know that doesn't sound right (downright terrible), but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying. It's hard to express.



  8. I recently found out that family members I don't even like are reading my blog – and have been for ages! Apparently, they discuss it at family events when I'm not there! But no one in my family (with the exception of my dad and sister in law) has EVER said anything to me about this! Even when I had my failed cycle – not once did I hear from them.

    So weird to me! They are reading, but not letting me know they read!

    My ex boyfriends entire family reads too – we're talking extended family here too! But I know they're reading, because they let me know… especially when I write about him! πŸ˜‰

    Blogging is so weird when you think about it… you really have no idea who is reading. There is something kind of freeing but also freaky about that!

    I don't ever censor myself though. Ever. Not worht it, and not why I started writing.

    And for the record – I want to believe infertility will make me a better parent too. Mostly because, I just need there to be a reason for all of this…


  9. I haven't experienced infertility. I have adopted children. Does infertility make you a better parent? Probably if you let it…just like the experiences in my life have made me a better parent. Does your being infertile make you a better parent than me because I was able to have babies? I would hope not…I wanted babies just as badly as an infertile woman when she started trying to conceive. It's just like anything else…there are really good infertile parents and ther are really bad infertile parents. There are really good NON infertile parents and really bad NON infertile parents. I pray that my being a good parent has everything to do with my relationship with Jesus Christ and less to do with my circumstances. πŸ™‚


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