Dear Little Man,
It is late in the evening of your 8th month birthday. You are finally asleep, after battling a fever, a snotty nose and the desperate desire to stay awake and play. I should be asleep as well, because I do believe you have shared your cold with your mama, but I find myself writing to you instead.
We had a busy day today. You woke up around 5 am, which is normal, and Daddy fed you a bottle. He rocked you back to sleep and you slept in until about 7:30. Typically you awake about 7 for the day. We had breakfast (yogurt and avocado/banana mash – which you hated), although because of your bellyful of mucus you didn’t eat much. We played for a bit and I tried to put you down for a morning nap. You soundly refused a nap, so Daddy gave you a bath.
You love the bath. You have learned to splash so hard that whoever gives you a bath gets one, too! You soaked in your vapor bubble bath until you started to shiver (which should have been my first clue you had a fever…oops…I just thought you had gotten chilly). We dried you off and dressed you for your big event today: your first college football game.
We got everything loaded up and drove to Grandma & Grandpa’s house to pick them up. Then we drove to Franklin College to tailgate and watch their home-opener. Although it rained a little bit, you had a great time. Every time FC scored a touchdown, they shot off a cannon. You totally ignored the cannon, even though it gave mama a heart attack just about every single time! After the game we went back to G & G’s house to play on their new deck. We came home so you could eat dinner and go to bed. All in all, it was a great day.
I cannot help but think today about all that has transpired in the past eight months. Eight months and one day ago, at about this time at night, I was so sad and anxious and tired. When the phone rang at 12:45 on January 11, however, all of those feelings flew right out the window. I was suddenly calm and at peace. Seeing you enter the world was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. Unless you have brothers or sisters someday, I cannot imagine any birth more perfect than yours. You were so calm and wide eyed and happy – until you cooled off. Then you screamed that amazing scream that you have.
Last week at church a pregnant woman was asking my advice on something. Me. I kept thinking, “Why is she asking me these things?” Then I remembered – because I am a mother. Some days being your mama is as natural as breathing. Other days it takes phone calls to more experienced mothers and lots of prayers. Some days it is just surreal that I get to spend so much time with you.
I cannot believe how fast eight months has flown by. The eight months prior to your birth dragged on as if an eternity in and of themselves. I find myself begging for time to slow down. You are too big for me to cradle like a newborn. You want to crawl everywhere, or pull yourself up and walk while holding on to things. You only eat 4 bottles a day (sometimes 5) and suck them down so fast there is hardly time to cuddle. And while I love every new milestone, I fear that I’ve missed something or that someday I will forget this very moment – your smell, your smile, your heartbeat against mine.
I wish I could tell you, and you understand, how very much I love you. I sing to you that you are my sunshine, and it is so very true. You are not everything to me, which I think is a good thing, nor are you the center of my universe. I hope you understand what I mean by that. But you are so very very precious to me. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Even when you are waking up crying for the fourth time in a night, I love you with all of my heart. And I do treasure rocking you back to sleep and soothing away your fears and tears…because some day you will be grown up and won’t want to sit in my lap anymore.
Oh, Little Man, I love you so much. My prayer for you is peace and happiness for all of your days. I pray that you will find yourself in Christ and know who you are because of who He created you to be. I pray you know the love your family has for you and how precious you are to me and your father. And your Father. I love you so much, Little Man. Forever.