adoption journey · birth mother

The Door Slammed Shut *Updated*

Well…I suppose, really, it was inevitable.

Our adoption is now totally closed.

It’s true that by our word K & I are to send updates about Little Man to our lawyer at specified intervals (3,6,9,12,18,24 months and ages 3-5). So, I guess, it’s sorta open from our standpoint. Plus, S has our phone number and email address.

But our 3 month update was returned “addressee unknown” to the lawyer. Same with our 6 month.

It breaks my heart on a number of levels.

It seriously annoys me on others.

But basically…it just makes me sad that she will never know this precious precious (baby & soon to be not a baby) boy…because she doesn’t want to.

***update due to Michelle’s kind comment***

Yes, we know it’s intentional. Her letters beforehand gave us every indication that she did not want any type of open adoption. She also promised the lawyer would always have her address. She left where she was living and left no forwarding address. She also disabled her email address that we were using. Whether it’s because she can’t handle this right now, I don’t know. But I also know everything that was written and saide beforehand, so I’m pretty confident that this is it until Little Man goes looking for her when he is, in her words, old enough.

I just wonder what old enough means to her…

8 thoughts on “The Door Slammed Shut *Updated*

  1. It is frustrating and annoying and honestly makes you mad, but know that you did everything you could to ensure contact. I just went through something similar when two of my kiddos birth dad got out of jail recently…he didn't sent a forwarding address. I have no way of knowing where he is, until he ends up back in jail. Each of our bios had the opportunity to have contact. Each one of them chose not to. Praise God that he placed these children in homes that love them!

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  2. I'm sorry that it happened to you. We lost contact with my kid's birth moms that way too. I located one of them recently and was able to send her an update.

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  3. We've been in the same boat since the beginning. Well…not exactly the same but with the same consequences. It is sad…and hard, esp. in such a huge sea of open adoptions. I wish it could be different for both/all of us. *Sigh*

    Melba

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  4. Our bio-mom was MIA for over a year, then came back into the picture. Maybe she just needs some time to figure things out on her end, and heal. I will pray for this situation!

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  5. I carefully crafted jack's 3 and 6 month letter and sent them to the agency. I worried over the details and pictures etc. And then I asked if they'd been picked up or delivered and found out that his B.mom had not updated her address and the notification letter had been returned.

    We'd been trading texts for a while too, and the last one bounced back as disconnected. It's amazing how we gear ourselves up to be Doing the best for our child and accepting their birth parents and having things open only to have it fall out from under us. It really is hard. Esp. when you want so much more for every one's sake.

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