being a girl · family · fear · feelings · food · scary stuff

The Blahs….

I have the blahs….perhaps even mild depression (?). This is probably not going to be an uplifting post, nor am I looking for oodles of comments. Just need to organize my thoughts!

I have a migraine. Yuck. It’s hard to have a migraine and a child. I imagine once he’s more mobile it’s only going to get harder, eh?

It’s rained here for like 40 days. Biblical rains. My husband is thinking of building a big boat. I’d be happy just moving to a lake and living on a houseboat. Wonder how you childproof a houseboat?

The rain has lowered the temperature outside, and our 100+ year-old house is damp. We had to turn the furnace back on.

Between two dogs, one cat, two adults and one infant, all living in less than 1000 square feet, I can’t seem to get the house clean and organized. Stress!!!!

I don’t want to be the grown-up. My mommy had surgery on Friday…there’s a better than good chance that she has cancer. We won’t know for sure for a few weeks (why do doctors make you wait?). And even if there’s a 80% survival rate (which there is for this type of melanoma)…I have been forced this weekend to realize my mom won’t live forever. And my son may not get to know her. And future children of ours may not get to know her. And if I ever get pregnant she may not be here. I have been crying off and on since Friday night. Big ugly cries. Usually in the shower or the car. I wonder what people who pass me think?

I was sobbing at the bank drive-thru on Saturday AM. The teller looked at me like I was nuts. What happened to compassion in our society?

My son is trying to chew through his bumbo tray. While sitting in his bumbo. And apparently he spit up on me earlier…but I just found it. Ewww. 🙂

Little Man is, obviously, the joy of my life right now. Even when he still isn’t sleeping through the night and refuses to take a nap! He is grinning a lot. He’s eating cereal every night and it’s so fun to feed him. (last night I was at a church meeting; when I came home, Keith said, “You meant Fruit Loops, right?” ha ha ha). He’s much more interactive and playful. We have more fun, it seems!!

I’ve been taking a stroller exercise class. It’s kicking my butt, which is what I need. One of the girls there recognized me from my blog! I’m famous!!

I’ve been eating healthier and exercising and losing weight. But that stopped Friday with my mom’s surgery. I just feel stressed, so I’ve been eating more unhealthy stuff again 😦

Tomorrow night is my Bible study about weight loss meeting. Can I just wait until Thursday AM to kick myself back into gear? Perhaps….

Well…he’s finally down for a nap. Time for a shower and breakfast for mommy!!

If you made it this far through my whining, thanks for reading! I appreciate you!!!!

6 thoughts on “The Blahs….

  1. of course i “made it thru” your post!!! praying for your mom's health and for you as the emotions of it hit hard. try not to cry while driving…for safety sake 😉 shower's a great place tho. i don't like malachi to see me cry too much cuz he picks up on the bad vibes. he's sleeping now, too, so i also should investigate a shower… sending support your way. and about depression- there really is a difference imho b/tn sad, in the dumps, etc and clinical depression- and i have been one to go to therapy to investigate it and navigate it and take a daily prescrip for it and while i still get “negative feelings” cuz those aren't depression(!) it helps many aspects. just an encouragement for ya if it could be that route. xoxo


  2. Big hugs! Not much to say except I'm very sorry about your mom. That kind of news is never easy to process and yes, the waiting is the worst. I will keep you (and her) in my prayers!

    Go easy on yourself…



  3. Oh, I also wanted to tell you that I TOTALLY get you on the whole small house thing! It seems like life should be easier in a smaller house–or at least easier to clean but NO! We live in a 1068 sq. foot ranch and it is getting crowded! Especially with all the baby stuff accumulating because of my complete inability to let any of it go. That combined with hubbies natural pack-rat tendencies are enough to make me insane at times! Especially when I'm in school, I feel like I can NEVER catch up.

    So…yeah, I hear you and I understand! Don't you wish you could afford a maid?? I sure do!



  4. Rachel, Give yourself a break woman! You are such a sweetie and take everything to heart. Of course you're upset about your mom! There is no need to apologize for feeling down.

    You are grieving a loss, sure you're doing it in advance, but there are different kinds of grief just like there are different kinds of loss.

    Living where I do, it's really easy for me to understand the blues that come with rain and gray skies. Seriously, go to a tanning booth, (I know not an easy thing to do when your mom has skin cancer.) Keep your clothes on, don't tell anyone, and wear sunscreen on your face. You just need the light therapy, but that costs a ton, tanning is much less expensive. It will help.

    I'll be praying for you and your mom. I hope you feel better soon!


  5. I have the blahs a lot. It is not easy being a mom and wife. No one can quite prepare you for it, no matter how much joy it brings- the daily life is not easy!


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