We got Little Man’s birth certificate in the mail last week.
Good news: our lawyer will refund the balance of our account. Yay!
Bad news: I didn’t give birth to Little Man. Some days that is more obvious than others (like when we’re out as a family. If it’s just me, people just….wonder). But as he grows older I think it will become more obvious. And I don’t understand why the birth certificate has my name on it.
Yes, I am his mother. I get that.
But I didn’t give birth to him. I never will give birth to him.
Shouldn’t he have a birth certificate with the name of the woman who gave birth to him?
The whole thing just makes me feel….odd.
I’ll have to ask S to keep the birth certificate he got so he can have it some day.
It’s just…another loss.
And this one makes me sad.
** Yes, the birth certificate lists me and my husband as mother & father. Maybe it looks different than other birth certificates, I don’t know. And I’m sure his first mother isn’t listed because of privacy issues; however, we know her full name (just as she knows ours) and she refused to name a birth father, so that would be left blank. **
9 thoughts on “Birth Certificate **Updated**”
I'm sorry babe. I agree with you, you didn't give birth to him and you have no intentions of hiding that from him. I don't understand why adopted children can't have their original birth certificates with their birth mother's name on it.
so the birth cert has you and your DH listed as the mother and father?? am i understanding that correctly??
ok, so are we to expect to receive a birth cert w/ our names on it? i had no idea! i really thought it was the original doc just being sent to us rather than the biological parents. i'm surprised, if anything, that it doesn't list both sets… i'll have to ask our SW about this.
I have wondered about that too, but I guess the amended birth certificate thing comes from the time when adoptions were hush-hush. Or maybe for people who want closed adoptions. I got an email the other day from a facilitator looking for a couple interested in a closed adoption. The birthmother does not want the child to know he or she is adopted. I think that would be hard. Too hard to do, realistically.
We adopted in New Mexico, so I don't know if it differs from state to state. Our birthmother has a copy of the original birth certificate, it has her name and father's name left blank. She used the name that we had chosen for our daughter so it has our daughter's name but her last name. We received a second one with our names and our last name, a couple of weeks or months ( I don't remember, she's almost 5) after she was born. Just thought I would share my experience 🙂
I kept Baby Mac's original BC with her birth mom's name listed because like you, I think it's strange to list the adoptive parents as though we gave birth to them. Adoption has come a long way and this practice seems a bit archaic.
I cried when we got Aliya's new birth certificate… for several reasons. One, because I never thought I'd see my name on one with my child. two, because it's sad that it's like Jaelyn D. never existed, and she very much does…
We got Aliya a new SS#, just in case, so a new birth certificate was a must for us. It's bitter sweet…
Ours is the same, with OUR names on it and I have only actually looked at it once because of that. It just feels so much like a lie…like shades left over of the old way of doing things in the adoption world. Even if it has to be confidential, why can't they say given birth on…x date and placed for adoption on…other x date with all pertinent names in the appropriate places?
I know it's just a legality/formality and our children will know the truth (which is all that really matters) but it's still unsettling.
all i can think is, like some of you've commented, that it's from the closed hush-hush era. and of course works for some families where only non-identifying info is being exchanged. but it should be an option to have the birthparents on their solely or in addition to in open adoption- there should be choices!