It’s 6:49 pm where we live. It’s Sunday night.
I spoke to S on Christmas Eve. She was surrounded by her family members that she loves the most. She was “eating pie for two” because she can.
She teased me that I can’t eat for two 🙂
Baby has dropped – she feels lots of pressure and some pain – she doesn’t think she’ll make it until the 9th.
I’m not sure I’ll make it through the night.
There is no handbook for this. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again…but there’s no “What to Expect When You’re Adopting.” I read through Rebekah’s posts right before her son entered the world and thank God she kept a record of her feelings. While I’m not sure I’m normal, at least what I’m feeling is similar to what she felt.
Last night we were shopping and K recommended we write a book so when other couples are two weeks out, they can know what to expect. He said something to the effect of, “It’s at this point you just want to hit something because you’re so frustrated with waiting.”
I am just tired. I’m tired of waiting for the phone to ring…I’m tired of the nasty comments I get on my blog…I’m tired of forcing a smile because everyone in our life is so happy for us…I’m tired of the overwhelming apathy that has embraced me…I’m just tired.
I’ve already cried twice today. I think I’m going to bed when I’m done with this post.
To answer a few questions I’ve gotten lately:
1) I don’t live in OH anymore, but when I did I lived in Cincinnati
2) I teach (taught?) at a private school where, yes, prayer is an expected event
3) Yes, I know adoption doesn’t cure infertility. Drugs & surgery cure infertility. Maybe. Adoption, however, allows people to become parents who want to become parents and children have families who wouldn’t otherwise
4) Equality in the triad? I don’t know…is there really such a thing as equailty anywhere these days? Everyone suffers loss – varying degrees, true, and the loss affects people in various ways. I’m not equating myself with anyone else – I just know how I feel.
Anyway…if you feel like leaving a nasty comment, don’t.
I am aware that S has feelings…I am aware that she is “giving up” her son.
However, I am also aware of the other thousands of things that have gone into her decision making process, and you aren’t.
So in my exhausted state, I say to you: if you don’t have something nice (positive, encouraging, hopeful, Christlike, etc.) to say – DON’T SAY ANYTHING.
To those of you who do leave positive and encouraging comments, feel free 🙂
Maybe next time I post it’ll be with pics of our little one…