adoption journey · adoption myths · birth mother · fear

Fear & Future Posts

I have a whole post brewing in my brain about the definition of family. I’ve recently been conversing (via the blogosphere) with an adult adoptee who is very respectful of my questions. Today on the drive home, I began to wonder about the definitions of words such as “parent,” “family,” “step-parent,” “sister,” “brother,” etc. etc. But I want to better formulate my thoughts 🙂

I have another one brewing about the fact that somehow readers have come to the conclusion that I feel ENTITLED to adopt a child. Wow. I’m not sure how they came to that conclusion. I am certainly not entitled to a child – but then again, no one is.

And a third one on the loss that surrounds adoption. Everyone involved in adoption suffers loss. Everyone. To think that one party (specifically adoptive parents) somehow escapes loss in the process is definitely a myth. There is loss involved across the board.


Tomorrow we get to call S.

I’m super excited.

I am also super scared.

This woman *just might – maybe – could possibly* – be the mother of our child.

What to say to her without sounding like a condescending person or a “vulture,” as I’ve so recently and lovingly been labeled on the internet.

Anyway…send good thoughts & prayers our way on Thursday, would ya’??

6 thoughts on “Fear & Future Posts

  1. Good luck with the call. Just be yourself, because, since you aren't a baby vulture, you won't come across as one.
    One of the things that I struggled with was being excited during the birth family's time of loss. They EXPECT you to be excited and interested… thats why they chose you.


  2. I'm an adult adoptee and an adoptive parent. Any loss that adoptive parents incur through the process of adoption PALES in comparison to the loss of the natural mother and the child. I think it's important to realize this — and to realize its full meaning — otherwise, the implication that “adoptive parents suffer loss” seems to assert that the triad members are equal — and they are not. Further, it has the potential to gloss over and minimize the lifelong losses experienced by the adoptee.


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