Little did I know that I would inspire such hate and venom from total strangers.
I have struggled all day with how to respond to the hateful comments I have gotten about yesterday’s post. I don’t know why yesterday’s post resulted in such comments; certainly, I feel I have posted things what would be more prone to receive such comments. But perhaps yesterday was the day for people to come out of the proverbial woodwork and attack adoption.
Ironic, isn’t in, since it’s National Adoption Month?
Anyway…I wasn’t the only one attacked yesterday. My love and prayers go out to Rebekah as well.
But here’s how I choose to respond:
1) I will not post any more hateful comments. I will delete those that are already posted. If you are truly interested in a dialogue about open adoption, there are forums for that. If you are truly interested in educating adoptive parents, there are forums for that. I am not such a forum. I am simply one woman navigating her way through building an open adoption relationship.
2) If you attack another commenter in any way, I will not post your comment.
3) If you appear uneducated about adoption, I will not post your comment.
People – stop judging. Stop it. None of you knows anything about our situation.
My favorite anti-adoption comments are the ones insinuating that S:
a) is young (she’s probably a lot older than many of the women who spit acid at me yesterday)
b) uneducated (she has a college degree and is starting on her masters)
c) will be unable to have children in the future (this is not her first child)
d) is being coerced, manipulated or victimized (She contacted the lawyer. She chose us.)
I realize this isn’t MY baby…I get that, people.
I realize this is S’s Baby – and I will.
Every. Single. Day. Of. My. Life.
Why do you think I want an open relationship with her?
And if she changes her mind, it will suck.
For us. Not for her…not for her son. But for us.
But you know what? I will still love this woman. She will still have a special place in my heart…in our lives. And I will still pray for her. And her child. Should she change her mind TOMORROW I will do those things…should she change her mind at the hospital – I will do those things.
Whether or not God intends for this child S is carrying to be our child – He intends for this child to be a child.
To have life.
That was not always a possibility.
But now it is.
So whether I get to bring home this baby in a few weeks…or whether I have to wait another three years and be matched with 17 other women who change their minds …I will enjoy preparing for the arrival of our child.
Our baby showers – recommended by smart, dedicated women – are not for THIS child. They are for A child.
Just like showers for bio pregnant women.
And I will forever be grateful for S.
For those of you who think that trying to find ways to pay for the adoption expenses is wrong, I have to say this: I would think any parent would prefer their child come into a home that isn’t riddled with debt and money problems, which, by the way, is the #1 cause of divorce. Yes, having a child is expensive. But for us, as adoptive parents, 0% of it is covered by insurance. 0%. We are truly grateful we have for the friends who are trying to help us avoid mass debt.