adoption journey · Baby · feelings · The Wait

It’s ALL I Think About…

The Baby, that is.

That’s ALL I think about. I have to meet with my principal tomorrow (simple monthly meeting) and I’m going to have to tell her that I can’t hardly concentrate because all I can think about is Baby and that I’m going to be a mommy in less than 12 weeks.

Do biologically pregnant women feel this way? I’m going to have to call my sister-in-law. Do women who are pregnant for the first time think about their unborn child 24/7? Does everything remind them of their impending mommyhood?

In no particular order, here are my thoughts on a daily basis. BEWARE!! Brutal honesty straight ahead:

How many more days do I have to teach?
How many more days of my two hours in the car every day?
I need to find a pediatrician.
Are their AA pediatricians in my area?
Is it more important to have an AA pediatrician or one who is super-good at his/her job?
Which formula is best?
The formula comparison websites are NOT helpful.
S wants us to come over to dinner and meet her other children.
What if they don’t like me because I’m white, fat, have short hair, taller, etc.?
Should we take her a gift?
What do you take your birthmother the first time you meet her at her new apartment?
How will we every afford this?
Do I have what we need for Baby?
What if no one gives me presents?
What if we have to buy every single little thing for Baby?
What if S doesn’t like the names we’re considering?
We accidentally found out her last name and like it for a middle name. What if that bothers her?
Who am I to think I can raise an African American boy?
Will I be a good mother?
How will I know what his crying means?
What if the position of his crib is too close to the bathroom?
What if every time we flush the toliet or take a shower he wakes up?
What if the dogs bite him?
What if I have to start listening to gangster rap?
What if my parents are lying and will treat him differently than his two female white cousins?
What if I can’t find a school with enough diversity?
What if he grows up picked on as the “white” black kid?
What if I hate staying home?
What if I love it and never want to go back to work?
How will I know what to do with his hair?
I had girl hair all figured out…but it’s a boy.
Why aren’t there cuter boy clothes out there?
We want to live way out in the country. Which is better: fresh air & plenty of space for him to run around in or being close to kids – no matter their ethnicity?
What will I do when he really throws up for the first time?
What if S changes her mind?
What will we do if there’s no room at the hospital for us?
What will he look like?
How small will he be?
What if I drop him?
What if we never bond?
What will his tiny fingers and toes look like?
How much hair will he have?
What will his tiny boy parts look like? (can I be anatomically correct on blogger?)
What if S asks me to be in the delivery room?
How can I best support S through all of this?
I need to finish the nursery.
Should I go ahead and buy the bedding set or wait to see if someone gifts it to us?
Where can I find pads for the rocking chair?
Maybe I could sew pads for the rocking chair!
I need to train someone to program lights at church.
What if I want to kiss every inch of his little body? Where are the rules for that?
Do I need special body stuff because he’s AA?
Can I hold him all the time?
If S is cool with it, can we have him in the hospital room with us all the time?
Will the nurses be helpful or hateful?
Why does my best friend (who’s an adoptive mother) have to go to India when I’m due?
I can’t wait until we get the phone call he’s on the way…

See…he’s all I think about. And I realize it’s still not a final thing – and won’t be until S signs the papers in the hospital. But he’s all I think about. Is that normal???

9 thoughts on “It’s ALL I Think About…

  1. Well, I've only had the biologically pregnant perspective, so some of the questions are different obviously, but I can assure you that either this is TOTALLY normal, or I am TOTALLY abnormal. Makes me wish my brain had an off switch…or at least a standby mode…or a restart button…

    Come to think of it, I'm not sure this problem really goes away once the baby is in your arms. The questions just change.

    Welcome to mommyhood! 🙂

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  2. Seems normal to me! I'm thinking all that and I can't find out if we are “yes” or “no” on this potential match!

    Thanks for commenting on my blog. I looked you up via your profile. I have to say I like the idea of shoving people off the end of the earth!

    Good luck 🙂

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  3. I smiled through every line! You are going to be a great mom, just reading your heart here anyone can see that!

    Praying for you guys as you have your final countdown!

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  4. I had the same thoughts. My first failed adoption was with an AA girl so I had many of the transracial adpotion thoughts as well. It's so stressful! I can help you with one question. I work at at pediatric hospital and talked to a lactation specialist in our intensive care unit as to which formula is best and she recommended En.famil Lipi.l with Iron NOT the Pre.mium (because it hasn't been as thoroughly tested). Hope that helps with one thing on your plate. The formula piece really stressed me out and I was obsessed with it so now I feel like it's my personal mission to share the information with other stressed out soon-to-be moms:).

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  5. I'm right there with you girl! I could probably add 100 more questions to that list and it still wouldn't amount to what's going on inside me. We will get through this together and then our lists will be much more like “will I get to sleep longer than 2 hours tonight”, “is he already hungry again”, “did he just wet his diaper again”… LOL!

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  6. You are going to be a GREAT mother! The fact that you are asking yourself all of these million questions means that you WILL do WHATEVER you need to do to find the answers and be the best for your little boy! Dont worry! 🙂 and PS, I think that S will be very happy that you guys want to use her last name as the baby's middle name! I know I would feel so honored 🙂 That is a wonderful way to celebrate her through your child's name!

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  7. Hi, Just stumbled on your blog…I am a white mom to a 13 mos old AA baby boy. I could not think about ANYTHING but the baby during the entire wait!!!! And we found out we were matched the day before we met him, so I can only imagine how many more questions you have. Our placement was so fast there was hardly time to ask questions. Even now it is a blur. But here is my perspective (for whatever little it is worth) 1. live in the country — space to grow and explore 2. pink lotion for hair and find a good AA barber! crucial. we took our son to a white lady first and she did an awful job… it does matter. 3. skin- the best is the aveeno baby cream (extra thick kind with the dark blue cap) and moisturize twice a day. you can also put vaseline on his lips. my baby is never ashy! 4. relax- none of us are perfect and we figure it out as we go! i am most certainly still learning.

    -diana

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