The Baby, that is.
That’s ALL I think about. I have to meet with my principal tomorrow (simple monthly meeting) and I’m going to have to tell her that I can’t hardly concentrate because all I can think about is Baby and that I’m going to be a mommy in less than 12 weeks.
Do biologically pregnant women feel this way? I’m going to have to call my sister-in-law. Do women who are pregnant for the first time think about their unborn child 24/7? Does everything remind them of their impending mommyhood?
In no particular order, here are my thoughts on a daily basis. BEWARE!! Brutal honesty straight ahead:
How many more days do I have to teach?
How many more days of my two hours in the car every day?
I need to find a pediatrician.
Are their AA pediatricians in my area?
Is it more important to have an AA pediatrician or one who is super-good at his/her job?
Which formula is best?
The formula comparison websites are NOT helpful.
S wants us to come over to dinner and meet her other children.
What if they don’t like me because I’m white, fat, have short hair, taller, etc.?
Should we take her a gift?
What do you take your birthmother the first time you meet her at her new apartment?
How will we every afford this?
Do I have what we need for Baby?
What if no one gives me presents?
What if we have to buy every single little thing for Baby?
What if S doesn’t like the names we’re considering?
We accidentally found out her last name and like it for a middle name. What if that bothers her?
Who am I to think I can raise an African American boy?
Will I be a good mother?
How will I know what his crying means?
What if the position of his crib is too close to the bathroom?
What if every time we flush the toliet or take a shower he wakes up?
What if the dogs bite him?
What if I have to start listening to gangster rap?
What if my parents are lying and will treat him differently than his two female white cousins?
What if I can’t find a school with enough diversity?
What if he grows up picked on as the “white” black kid?
What if I hate staying home?
What if I love it and never want to go back to work?
How will I know what to do with his hair?
I had girl hair all figured out…but it’s a boy.
Why aren’t there cuter boy clothes out there?
We want to live way out in the country. Which is better: fresh air & plenty of space for him to run around in or being close to kids – no matter their ethnicity?
What will I do when he really throws up for the first time?
What if S changes her mind?
What will we do if there’s no room at the hospital for us?
What will he look like?
How small will he be?
What if I drop him?
What if we never bond?
What will his tiny fingers and toes look like?
How much hair will he have?
What will his tiny boy parts look like? (can I be anatomically correct on blogger?)
What if S asks me to be in the delivery room?
How can I best support S through all of this?
I need to finish the nursery.
Should I go ahead and buy the bedding set or wait to see if someone gifts it to us?
Where can I find pads for the rocking chair?
Maybe I could sew pads for the rocking chair!
I need to train someone to program lights at church.
What if I want to kiss every inch of his little body? Where are the rules for that?
Do I need special body stuff because he’s AA?
Can I hold him all the time?
If S is cool with it, can we have him in the hospital room with us all the time?
Will the nurses be helpful or hateful?
Why does my best friend (who’s an adoptive mother) have to go to India when I’m due?
I can’t wait until we get the phone call he’s on the way…
See…he’s all I think about. And I realize it’s still not a final thing – and won’t be until S signs the papers in the hospital. But he’s all I think about. Is that normal???