adoption journey · family

Shower or Not to Shower: Today’s Question

Tomorrow at 1:00, my mother, my step-mother and my mother-in-law are coming over for lunch. They want to throw us a baby shower in November. We are due January 14, if our match is successful, and they want my pregnant sister-in-law to be able to attend. As she is due January 19, she can’t really travel much from Detroit after early November.

Here’s the thing. These three women are SO important to me. They will be the grandmothers of my child. They are super-excited to be the grandmothers of our transracial baby. Can I deny them the joy of showering me and my husband with love and gifts?

I’ve decided that no, I cannot. If I were “really” pregnant, we would be planning this shower. Yes, it’s fairly early, I think (2 months before Baby is due to arrive), but my brother and sister-in-law can be here. I really want them here, as they are (I think) the MOST excited in the family that we are adopting. My SIL has a sister with 2 kids, but she & my brother keep referring to our children as “real” cousins, because they don’t so much like her sister OR their children. It warms my heart every time my brother refers to himself as “uncle” and talks about our future adopted children.

I digress. Frequently.

Back to the point: I am having a baby shower in November. My mothers are so excited. I did, however, tell my mother (who’s heading all this up) that I have some stipulations for the shower:

A) No mention of pregnancy or decorations involving pregnant women
B) I want to use the adoption poem about the child growing not under my heart but in my heart
C) No stupid games (I’m just not a game girl)
D) Somehow she needs to let the guests know that this shower is for A baby and not necessarily the baby that we have been matched with. After all, this match could fail.

Mom was totally supportive of this. I explained we need to think of me having a very high-risk pregnancy. I guess like every pregnancy, there is no guarantee that this will result in a baby. I was a little concerned that I would have to return gifts if this match fails. Mom assures me anytime there is a baby shower, guests know in the back of their minds that something could happen and no one would expect me to return gifts.

So the positives are: I get to see my family, I get to be the center of attention, we get to outfit our nursery the rest of the way, we’ll have plenty of stuff to welcome Baby home to (whether it is this baby or another baby) and my mother, my step-mother and my mother-in-law get to be grandmas and throw a shower.

The negatives are…well, I guess there really isn’t a negative. Other than my fear. But in this whole adoption journey, I’m learning that fear is more of a friend, and not necessarily a foe. I do wonder, though, if I were “really” pregnant, would I have this much fear????

By the way, this whole adoption/pregnancy thing…very surreal. I’m having mood swings and I’m exhausted…too bad I don’t have an excuse for the weight I’m gaining 🙂

By the way, again…I think I’ll hold off on other showers until after Baby is safely at home with us. Thanks to all of you who suggested the open house/shower idea. We’ll do that with school friends & church friends, like I just said, after Baby comes home.

2 thoughts on “Shower or Not to Shower: Today’s Question

  1. That sounds like so much fun! And that's so cute of your brother and sil! You are so right…it's just like a high-risk pregnancy. All my friends that had pregnancies said they were afraid of the same thing (what if something goes wrong…then I'll give the presents back). And they said their family and friends said the same thing. When I thought about it, it's true…I would never want a shower gift back if something happened during a pregnancy; why would it be different for an adoption? Can't wait to hear how it goes! And I feel ya on the mood swings and everything! And yea…I've even put on some weight, too! Where does it come from? LOL



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