about me · adoption journey · family

Sweet Emotion

Aerosmith…my favorite band…cancelled their tour three weeks before the concert in Indy…bummer.

Today I have mixed emotions – some sweet, some bitter.

First, my colleague had a miscarriage or has an ectopic pregnancy. I am devastated for her. Lest you think I hate pregnant women, I do not. I think pregnant women are gorgeous and full of life – literally! But I do still experience jealousy when I see some of them, and when some women I know get pregnant. For example, my SIL is pregnant with their second child – I am thrilled and have experienced not an ounce of jealousy. It’s weird. So anyway…mixed emotions for my friend’s situation – as I said, devastation for her, but I also feel a bit of guilt because I wasn’t totally excited for her.

Second, I may have a potential birth mother. I teach in a middle school, and I have a parent who teaches at a nearby high school. Well, HS teacher knows we are adopting and had a student come to her yesterday who is five months pregnant and wants to place her child for adoption. HS Teacher immediately thought of me, so asked me who the PBM should contact. I gave her our lawyer & counselor phone numbers and mine, just in case. I am cautiously & guardedly excited. I mean, there may be nothing that comes from this. But, it’s giving us an opportunity to pray for a birthmother, it’s a potential child for us, and even if she does not choose us, but chooses our lawyer, we get a discount. I know that sounds a bit crass, but in this journey, I’ll take any financial help we can get.

Third, my whole family is coming tonight and tomorrow. Tonight we have a family workshop. One of the counselors is coming to our house (we’re the only ones signed up so she’s coming to us – SWEET) to answer my family’s questions about adoption and to “play the bad guy.” That means she’s going to address things like privacy, keeping our child’s story our child’s (so if we don’t share info they shouldn’t get mad), how we have to focus on attachment the first few weeks, so we can’t really play “pass the baby,” and so on. I’m grateful because she is going to explain some things to our family that they aren’t hearing from us. I mean, we talk about them, but they aren’t HEARING us.

Then tomorrow is my niece’s first birthday parted, hosted by yours truly. Again, I’m so excited to have my whole family here, but there will be like 25 people here. If it rains, I have no idea how they will all fit into our tiny tiny 5 room house. But it’s supposed to be a beautiful day. But it’s a bit stressful to be coordinating a cookout for 25 🙂

So, overall, mixed emotions…but they are sweet. And I am trying to savor each one of them.

5 thoughts on “Sweet Emotion

  1. Oh Rachel. I *know* how you feel. I had this happen with me with my best friend. I was happy for her but sobbed my heart out for me. I was going through treatment at that time. 2 days later she had an ectopic. I have never forgiven myself for crying like that and feel very guilty.

    I will say a special prayer for you and your pbm tonight.

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  2. I'm hosting my sister's bachelorette party next week with about 25 people as well…and our house is tiny too. I hope your birthday party goes well!

    That's cool that the family is getting formally educated…good luck with that!

    Keeping my fingers crossed that the PBM chooses you, and saying prayers for her situation!!

    Hugs,

    Melba

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  3. You really hit the nail on the head: that you now have the opportunity to pray for the expectant mother. What an honor! Even if, as you said, a placement doesn't come out of it, it's our Christian duty to love and pray for this girl.

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  4. I'm sorry for your friend and for the emotional roller coaster. I know it's tough. I am praying for your situation and for you, because I know it's hard not to get a teensie bit excited…whether she has come into your life to just get you moving faster on your preparations or to actually bring you a baby, she's here for a reason. 🙂

    Erica

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