about me · adoption journey · infertility

Happy Birthday to Me?

It’s my birthday. I’m not saying that because I want oodles of birthday wishes, but because it makes me sort of sad.

I’m 34 today. I know that in the world of infertility and adoption, that isn’t very old at all. In fact, I’m one of the younger adoptive mothers working with our lawyer. But I really thought, one year ago today, I’d be a mother today.

And I’m not.

I realize I’m going to be, but I’m not. And being “paper pregnant” isn’t like being “real pregnant.” I have no proof that I’m going to be a mother. So today I’m sad. Yes, I have some hope because we’re on the list.

But it’s not such a happy birthday.

5 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to Me?

  1. Well happy birthday anyway! I can totally relate, and I didn't know we were so close in age. I just turned 34 on August 2. 🙂

    Before we were blessed with Charlie, I was beginning to feel really old. I know exactly what you mean about realizing you're not old, but still feeling like you are.

    All I can say is…hang in there. While we were waiting, I placated myself by trying to think about the fact that each day I had to wait was one more day I had to become a better person and a better mother. Reflecting on that now, I think it's true…that I am a better mother because of how long we had to wait.

    You are not alone…



  2. Happy Birthday! I remember my first birthday with my Aliya! It was magic and one day you'll have that too! It's hard to remember your baby is no longer an “if” but a “when”! God is faithful and knows your heart's desires… you will be a mommy before you know it!


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