adoption journey · feelings

Me a Control Freak? Naa…

Well, okay, yes. I am a huge control freak. I want to have everything in its place and everything where it belongs and I want to know the rules before I play the game and I want to color within the lines.

The journey of adoption is SO not one I can control. I’ve been telling people in my life that if they want to grow their relationship with God, start down the road of adoption. He will laugh at your need for control.

So how do other people, on their adoption journey, deal with this sense of “out-of-controlness“? This is what I need to discover. I’m realizing that because so much of my life is not under my control right now, I’m floundering around, a bit like a fish out of water.

Here’s where we are on our journey:

Things that make me smile:

* We have completed our parent prep classes
* We have our BM letter written and approved
* My physical is complete
* The state has declared both of us non-criminals
* Our first meeting with our social worker is complete
* My autobiography for our SW is complete
* The spare bedroom is painted a nice neutral color
* We’ve picked out a lot of stuff we’d like for our child

Things that make me cry:

* DH has to finish his autobiography
* DH has to be fingerprinted by the FBI (downtown!), because our local police messed up his prints
* DH’s doctor can’t see him for his physical until almost the end of July
* They need more pictures for our BM letter
* We have to meet at least 1 more time with our SW before we are approved as adoptive parents
* We still have our acutal home-visit for our home study

Can anyone else give me any words of hope about this process? I alternate between really excited (I’m going to be a mommy! He’s going to be a daddy! We’re going to be parents!) and really despondent (this will take forever, no BM will choose us, we’ll never have enough money). And because I can’t control any of it, I’m ultra overwhelmed today.

I truly believe God has everything under His control. I truly believe He already has a child for us. We skipped all the infertility treatments and went straight to adoption for this very reason – we are confident God has a child in mind for us. But I can’t hear God right now. And I really don’t know what to do about everything.

Is anyone out there listening? Does anyone have any words of hope for me? I know there are hundreds – thousands – of families who have experienced the adoption journey. So why do I feel so alone and out of control?

3 thoughts on “Me a Control Freak? Naa…

  1. My husband and I also struggled with infertility. We decided that extensive fertility treatments weren't right for us and moved on to the idea of adoption. International adoption is extremely expensive, and frequently domestic infant adoption is either about knowing someone who wants to give up their baby or having lots of money to complete the process quickly or advertise to attract birth parents. We chose foster care adoption and now have two sons (ages 2 and 3) whom we have had for 2 years. The adoption process was still hard and fraught with difficulty, but there wasn't a significant financial burden and that really helped. I am sure whatever kind of adoption you and your husband choose, it will be a rewarding, if difficult, experience. I would be happy to talk to you more about my experience if you have any questions.

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  2. From the day my husband and I STARTED the paperwork to the day we held our 3-day old son in our arms … was exactly 9 months.

    Trust the journey, trust the process.

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  3. I have to say that the first thing on your “cry” list made me laugh–because that's what I'M WAITING ON right now! oh, and also the DH Dr. visit thing. He hasn't even scheduled his appointment yet and when I scheduled mine (late last week) the office was making appointments a month out! I'm trying to remind myself that this whole process (and eventually also parenting) will involve a lot of patience, so this is just strengthening my patience muscles. but I'm glad I'm not the only one whose husband has draggy feet on these details!

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